I finally realized it's time to quit fighting. I'm nothing special, I'll never be anything that I'd dreamt I'd be. Life is now about just getting by, not thriving. My ultimate fear has come true. I think it's time, though, to just accept that. Stop struggling and fighting and trying to make things better and glittery and happy. There's no degree I could get, no job I could have, no new hobby to take up that would make me happy. Not even losing weight. Yes I have moments of laughter and happiness. But they fade, really fast. then it's the same thing. I'll probably stop this blog now because I've realized there is no 365 days to change. there's not going to be some big change or switch into a life I want. I've racked my brains trying to figure out what makes me happy. Or what would make me happy. And I've come up blank.
I can't say I didn't try, and I don't regret what I've tried for one second. It's just not going to happen.
To anyone who took the time to read and comment, thank you.
Edit: Maybe I should clarify or at least point out I so so so am lucky and thank God every night for my blessing. I'm more blessed than I deserve to be. BUT, when you shoot for the moon, and you miss the stars by millions and millions of miles, and land in dirt, sure it's better than some places but by no means is it the moon.
Pared Back Christmas Decor and Ramblings
4 months ago
7 comments:
It's all in the little things. I hope you'll find happiness, it might be in places you've never expected it to be...
sounds like you're having a really bad day....sorry ...look to the things you have to be grateful for...could even be that you were able to get out of bed today..so many people can't even do that on their own like my brother who is a quadraplegic...
so sorry to hear you are down. try not to focus on the bad/little things but the good/little things. it's all about perspective. if you feel like you have been depressed please see a doctor or talk to a trusted friend or family member. i hope you find yourself better soon!
You touched my heart!
You are not blogging to be famous, you are blogging to remember how crappy you feel today...or how awesome it was when you stepped up to the checkout at WalMart and you were the only one in line(woohoo)...about that cool layout you just created...that wacky thing someone said to you today...you are blogging for you...and how good or bad you feel.
No matter what God loves you! Seek Him, He will be there. Until then, write about how cruddy you feel, good you feel, and remember you are not one of a million, but you are one in a million!
Also, going to echo Diane B. If you feel ultimately crappy and nothing helps, seek out a professional. They are there for you! Until then, know that there are people who DO care about you...even though I have no idea who you are! I CARE!
Oooo love... Don't go!!!
I'm so sorry you are sad...I'm sorry, I don't have the skills to help you find happiness.
This blog is a good place for you to vent, feel joy and just be yourself...we care...we listen...we want you to stay.
You'll be in my thought!!!
xoxoxo
Are you back yet?
Please come back....hey you can stop fighting...just don't stop writing!!!!
Hellllooooo?
Bummmer!
Emial me girlie...if you just ever want to chat...
venaqui1@aol.com
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