day 16

I'm sort of hating myself right now. Or am I loving myself? I' m not sure. I haven't worked out and done the walking thing. Total laziness

Day 15

I have no talent. for anything. I can't write well. I can't sing. I'm not thin and beautiful. I'm not smart. I can't *do* anything. What the hell am I going to do with my life?

Day 14 already?

What would happen if I started walking everyday? I know it'll turn into a jog/run. But Iwill start today with 1 mile. tomorrow at least 1.25, then 1.50 etc etc etc. Every day. like brushing my teeth.

day 13

I missed a few days, yes! The wedding was good, a lot of fun. Tiring. And I'm just the grooms aunt!
As far as goals go: well listen to this dumb sob story: I went to mop my kitchen floor. I couldn't find the bucket. And the mop is holding up some drywall in the laundry room ( don't ask). So i bought a new bucket, drove home, and right there in the canteloup patch was my other bucket. Anyway , it still hasn't been mopped but baby steps you know?
Food wise, it's going ok. I haven't worked out again due to total laziness. When I have to work later I sleep so late, I'm almost embarassed. I know that's a function of my depression though.
So today my goal is to get the laundry put away and maybe mop the floor.

Day 8 -better

I worked out this morning! yippee yay me!!!
It was less than 30 minutes but it felt great. I've got a full day off work until 9pm which sucks but gotta do it. My nephew is getting married tomorrow so this weekend should be relaxing. Tomorrow is also half priced day at Goodwill and a neighborhood yard sale; both of which I plan to go to. All in all I'm in a good place today, and that's a big improvement.

Day 7

Not a good day today. Big shock huh? I did get the linen closet cleaned , and the cupboard in the bathroom. I had a couple of Target bags full of stuff for Goodwill. But the bathroom still needs work. I didn't work out. And I'm so down that I dropped an hour of work.
Husband came home and said 10 more people got laid off at work. There's barely any more people working there. And this one total ass hole works with him which doesn't help. Anyway, I don't know what we'd do if he loses his job. So what do I go and do? drop an hour of work when I should be working.

DAy 6

I started this blog to keep me on track with this project365change. But I'm feeling like so far day 6 I haven't done much to change my life. Rooted in all this is not knowing what the hell I want to be when I 'grow up'. I'm 40 and honestly don't have a clue. There's lots of things I like, like sewing, fashion, scrapbooking, eating, reading. I work from home as a customer service rep but it's not like that's my lifes goal. How do people figure out what the want to do? Does everyone just know?
I'd thought at one time I'd like to go back to school but there's no money for that. And anyway, I don't know what I'd go back to school for.
I feel so lost and confused. time to go back to day 1 and re-read what my goals are and start figuring out how to achieve them. I'm not going to get there by sleeping until 1030 like I did the other day. So on the agenda for tomorrow
1-real work out, not this half assed shit.
2-organize bathroom drawers and linen closet.

that should keep me busy.
check back in tomorrow

Day 5

I did manage a 20 minute walk the other day, and I was more uncomfortable than I've ever been working out. Today I slept 12 straight hours. Don't know if the bod just needed it or what. Got my quartlery taxes paid and paid bills. Other than, just trying to hang in there.

frustration level: code red

I'm feeling very frustrated today. Not entirely sure why. I've been working from home since March 2008 and I like it. But maybe this isolation is getting to me? Plus, I have to work much later than I like to all this week. I totally hate that. I try to remind myself I'm very lucky not to have to pay for gas. But I feel like all we do is work work work and we'll just have to work until we die. I need something to look forward to but what? Ugh. I don't know.
Anyway, just want to vent that.

Day 3

ughh, sinus headache and too many of these last night. Feeling lazy today. We got our grocery shopping done though which is good. Took a 2 hour nap! my list of to dos include for today to clean out the fridge, write some letters and, well, more of these probably. I don't see very dedicated to this project right now do I?

Day 2

I woke up actually feeling pretty good which is really unusual. It may be due to not having any of this or these and not a one of these . Which is highly unusual for me. But I'll have some tonight I'll just bet.
anyway, I woke up felling energetic and starting thinking about how I didn't want this blog to look dull. Or not only will no one want to read it but I won't want to post on it! I knew there was a way to do it, but that took a few tries and a couple of hours to figure out. I should have been probably cleaning the kitchen which is on the list for the weekend. But I didn't.
I also worked for 2 hours ( I work from home for a large cruise line and a large retail drugstore, taking customer service calls). And I'm due to work another 90 minutes in a while too.
Thrilling, yes?

So The List.

1-lose 20 lbs and get in great shape.
2-save money. I figured out how much extra I'd have to make in a week to pay off my credit card. It's not as bad as I thought :) . But that maybe overshooting a bit. I'm not sure where'd I'd find the time or energy to work more hours. So maybe I'll make the goal to have the debt cut in half in 365 (now 364 days. Or should I have a start date after I've decided what I want to do??? No, 365 days from Sept 11).
3. Keeping a better house. Ok, I need make sure I have tons of rubber gloves. Because I hate getting all sloppy and wet when I'm cleaning. This also means purging. I'm not bad about keeping things, but I'm bad about not getting rid of what I should get rid of. Does that make sense?

I think that's all I can handle just now. And that's ok. I'm not going to beat myself up about the list needing to be bigger or whatever.
I'm out like a trout for now.

It starts now

I started reading the book yesterday and though I'm not even half through it really struck a chord (cord? whatever) with me. It's the thought the plagues me all the time. Seriously. All the fucking time. Can I change my life? Is the life I have now the life I'll always have? Do I want that? And if it's possible to change it, where do I start.
So I thought maybe this 365 day thing is for me. I'm very much the type of person who likes regimented tasks, check it off, follow a plan. But I always want someone else (boss, friend, Husband) to make the list for me. I never want to make the list for myself. Fear of failure I'm sure.
And honestly, I'm not even sure what I want to accomplish by the end of the 365th day from today. Let alone how to do it.
When I say it starts NOW I mean NOW. Now I start really deciding what I want my life to be. And figuring out how to make that happen. It seems like a lot of people list weight loss as a big life goal. Sad to say, I'm no exception. So I know for sure the list will include 20 lb weight loss. I've also always wanted to be much neater and keep a better house than I do now. So that's going on the list. Spirutal growth for sure is on the list. And I want to be credit card debt free, but I don't think that's going to happen in one year. I'm leary of posting the amount I owe. So for now, I won't.
So that's a start.