memories

it was 2 years ago April 12 that I found out we miscarried. I was so naive. As I lay on the dr table getting the ultra sound and watching the screen, we could clearly see him. But so silent. I didn't know that's when I was supposed to hear the heartbeat, that sound of life. The nurse had me go pee, and she tried again and still, I just laid there oblivious. She said I could get dressed and told us to go into another room for a bit and someone would come talk to us. And still I sat there with Chris just waiting. Not really knowing or realizing what was going on. Then a lovely woman came in and said she was so sorry but they didn't hear a heartbeat, and they should have.
I just lost it. I remember feeling stupid. Like how could I have managed to get pregnant! of course not. My other blog, http://sneakylittlebugger.blogspot.com/, has more about what happened. Nothing unusual, just a miscarriage. Only it was life to us.
I'll never forget pulling into the driveway after the D & C and seeing a white dove or some kind of white bird, on our barn roof. I pointed it out to my husband and said "that's him. I think he's just making sure we made it home ok" I've never seen a dove out here and haven't since.