not surprised

I'm not surprised that after a not horrible day yesterday, today would start out shitty. sometimes, I know i'm not cut out for my job. "not lady, we didn't steal your @ sign on your keyboard." "no dude, I don't know where you live"
trying to count my blessings while feeling like screaming.

just felt like blogging.

not feeling too bad today, which if you know me at all, is a very big deal.
took 3 days off and came back feeling a little rested. 32 days straight without a day off is just a bad idea. But had to do it. It's a cool overcast day, I love those kinds of days.
Here's to keep pushing on.

blanket

Little one took one look at the janky, badly sewn, wonky at the edges blanket, started tugging on her ear, yawned and later we took a 2 hour nap with it! So it's a success!

blanket

it's got major issues but that's only because this was made for Madison with so much it's oozing out!


That top picture is just because it's so honkin' cute!

can't stop watching/listeing to this

Such a great movie. so so so good. I can't recommend it enough!

I'm going to stop fighting

I finally realized it's time to quit fighting. I'm nothing special, I'll never be anything that I'd dreamt I'd be. Life is now about just getting by, not thriving. My ultimate fear has come true. I think it's time, though, to just accept that. Stop struggling and fighting and trying to make things better and glittery and happy. There's no degree I could get, no job I could have, no new hobby to take up that would make me happy. Not even losing weight. Yes I have moments of laughter and happiness. But they fade, really fast. then it's the same thing. I'll probably stop this blog now because I've realized there is no 365 days to change. there's not going to be some big change or switch into a life I want. I've racked my brains trying to figure out what makes me happy. Or what would make me happy. And I've come up blank.
I can't say I didn't try, and I don't regret what I've tried for one second. It's just not going to happen.
To anyone who took the time to read and comment, thank you.


Edit: Maybe I should clarify or at least point out I so so so am lucky and thank God every night for my blessing. I'm more blessed than I deserve to be. BUT, when you shoot for the moon, and you miss the stars by millions and millions of miles, and land in dirt, sure it's better than some places but by no means is it the moon.

Memorial Day

Hope everyone is having/had a good Memorial Day weekend. We had a bonfire/cookout w/ the kids. It was really fun. We slept until after 10am this morning. Which was really nice.
We did a little shopping , a lot of eating and some more sleeping (was just so sleepy all day). Chris is watching some military type movies (kellys heros, dirty dozen). I'll post pics later.
xoxo

post number 101

101 posts of what sometimes I feel like is whining drivel.
Yesterday i spent the afternoon with Madison. she's so vocal and wordy at 2 years old! And so so active. She wore herself and me out. She literally plays until we tie her in her car seat and take her home. I was so sore this morning. But totally worth it.

Here she is playing in the yard. She loved just running and twirling! and who doesn't love a good run and twirl. and that's my husband in the other picture.
It looks like I'm just growing weeds in the second picture. But hopefully this weekend I'll put up a birdbath and some flowers.

this face

I am submitting this photo into the www.iheartfaces.com Blurb Book photo contest. I am granting I ♥ Faces permission to use my photo in a printed version of a book for commercial use and possibly advertising of a photo book on both the Blurb and I ♥ Faces web sites.